Reflection

Claire seeing her reflection, "You look cute" She then preceded to lick the window.

class field trip

We spent the day going with the other foreign students out to our University's new campus. I couldn't believe how big it was, like a city in and of itself. It was so clean and beautiful as well.

The Balm of Loving Presence

When you find yourself staring at an unexpected reality that doesn’t fit into the Christian box that you have known all your life.

The right “Christian” words just don’t fit.

You know truth in your head.

He is good.

He will provide.

He will never forsake.

He is faithful.

He has a plan.

Just trust Him.

When you share your broken heart, shattered dreams, confused existence, and it’s met with such words, it feels flat.

Most of my life consisted of repeating the mantra of Christian Words. I was probably one of the most cliche of all. Throwing out Christian quick fixes when life was tough or didn’t make sense. Slapping on “Jesus bandages” to gaping wounds.

Because I didn’t get it.

Until a few years ago.

When life flipped upside down and everything I had ever believed about God, and living the Christian life was shattered.

During a time when we were facing probably the biggest trial we had faced in our marriage up to that point. Everything I have ever believed had been put to the test. I wrote in my journal,

“We have felt so lost and alone and I have even cried out to God, ‘where are you in the midst of this?’. I KNOW in my head God has not left us, that He still loves us, but my heart is being seriously tested. I know truth but I don't feel the truth in my life…

“I have found that people saying to me ‘God will provide’ or ‘He is always faithful’ are not comforting at all. They sound nice, and I think they are probably the easiest thing Christians often think to say to someone in a hard situation. But let me tell you, when you have been stripped and you stand naked with a bleeding heart, and your emotions are so raw, those things just do not comfort. I know they should, but they just don't right now. I have taken no offense at those who have said them, because I know they mean well. In fact, I have said them to others before who were facing something hard…

“I am learning that when someone is going through something hard, sometimes the best thing is not to always throw Christian clichés at them, even though they are meant with the best intentions. Sometimes it is just best to listen and to love on that person. It's not always best to try and offer advice or to try and relate to what they are going though when clearly you can’t.”

That experience proved to be a turning point in my walk with the Lord. We walked through fire and hell (and if I am honest, that was only a few years ago, and we are continuing to walk on that same path effected by all the collateral damage from those days). They were some of the darkest days I have ever known. Words did not help me thought it. It was the friends who came alongside. They cried with me. They listened while I talked and spilled my pain. They sat in awkward silence over the phone when I couldn’t choke out words through sobs. They showed up with food. They hugged. They prayed. They were the hands and feet and arms of Jesus wrapped up in the gift of many things.

I remember one time I called a dear friend crying, and nearly yelling over the phone in anger and pain because of the injustice of our situation. After a time she said to me, “Do you want me to give advice or did you just need to vent.” There was nothing sarcastic in the way she said it. It was an honest question that I appreciated. She had the courage to ask me what I needed in that moment. And in that moment I just needed to be heard. Later there came a time for her to speak truth to me, when I was ready, but that initial shock and awe moment I just needed to vent.

Friends like that are worth gold.

Sometimes I slip back to old habits, and forget to be that friend who offers the balm of listening. In fact just yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who is hurting, and my one of the things I did was to talk about our future hope of eternal glory with God. While that is a beautiful truth and reminder, it probably wasn’t the right moment to say it. What I unintentionally did was minimize her pain by trying to be spiritual.

It’s easy to offer a Word. It’s hard to sit silent with a suffering friend. I don’t know why that’s harder. Maybe because we want everything to be okay, to fix the problem. But for those hurting, they just want you to be there. To know they are loved. To know that their pain is validated. There is a time and a place for speaking the truth, finding the right time is the key. More often then not the right thing is to just listen.

I have found, the most courageous loving path often does not involve what our “Churched” instincts tell us to do- speak words. It involves being the soothing agent of presence, and loving arms.

Morning Market

This morning instead of our regular 4 hour lecture in class, our teacher decided to take us to the market and give us a hands on experience... teaching us the names of different fruits and vegetables, and buying and selling terms. It was our best class by far. So so fun!!

Lost in Asia

Dusk was soon approaching, it was time to call it a day. The past 6 hours had been spent working on cleaning our new apartment getting it ready for moving in. We were all starting to feel the effects of fatigue and hunger.  After grabbing our bags and locking up the apartment, we headed out the door to find food.  We opted to catch a bus to go a restaurant we had visited with friends a few times before.  

All seven of us quickly got on bus 16 while visions of eating yummy jiaozi (boiled dumplings) danced in our heads. We needed to get off on the forth stop so we counted each stop. One… two… three… suddenly the bus turned away from where we were supposed to get off and took us in a direction away from the restaurant. No problem, we could just get off at the next stop and walk back. Only, the bus didn’t stop, it kept going for awhile. When it finally came to a halt again, we were far from anything familiar.

We were lost.

Bill and I tried to keep the kids spirits up and encourage everyone, but desperation soon started to set in as the kids realized we had no idea where we were.

Dark clouds rolled over and rain began to fall, soaking our already weary bones…

and hearts.

We walked on and on, pushing ourselves beyond limits trying to get back to where we were staying. Each step was like a mantra that I repeated, "We are Ferguson's. We don't give up. Keep going. God has gotten us this far..." But eventually, hungry tummies and tired bodies became the front runners of discouragement in the long distance run of the unknown.

Claire started crying because her stomach hurt so bad she said she couldn’t go on (I’m not sure if it was hunger or fear). Anna’s ankle was in pain from twisting it earlier, and Katie had to go potty and couldn’t hold it any longer… and there was no bathroom anywhere around, just bushes along the side of the busy highway we were walking. So I did what any desperate mom would do in Asia, I told Katie to squat on the side of the road and just go (of course Katie thought it was the best thing ever getting to pee outside).

Normally I am able to find the humor in things. Living here you have to have a sense of humor. So many things here are beyond your control that you just have to learn to go with it and laugh.  But this night, a feeling of despair crept in. For the first time since moving I was unable to find anything funny about the situation.

After about an hour of being lost somewhere in the city, a friend was able to direct us over the phone how to get back (turns out we were walking in the right direction, thanks to Bill’s good sense of direction).

At home I quickly fed the kids any food I could find in the house (I have never been more thankful for a stash of ramen type noodles!).  Later I collapsed on my bed and wept. Having been “lost” in a strange land, unable to stop and ask directions because we couldn’t speak the language, feelings of fear and desperation, frustration, It all just came crashing down on me. The combination of the evenings events, added to months of preparation stress… the dam burst.

The Lord spoke into the moment and reminded me of His love and brought His word to my heart. “If I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 139:9-10

Sometimes tears are necessary. Sometimes tears heal and restore.

Sometimes the Lord has to take us to the far side of the sea to show us Himself.


In the midst of this crazy adventure we are on, through the ups and downs we are seeing Him at work, in our hearts stretching and challenging us. There are moments of discouragement, but there is an overwhelming joy and peace that is always there, even if we forget it for the moment.

You brought me to the desert so You could be my water
You brought me to the fire so You could be my shield
You brought me to the darkness so You could be my morning light
If You brought me this far, if You brought me this far
Wherever you lead me, I know you won’t leave me
Wherever you call me, You will make a way
Wherever we’re going, I will be holding
To the promise you have made
You will make a way
You will make a way
And when I’m in the valley, You will be my comfort
And when I’m at the end of me, I find You there
When I’m in the battle, You will be my present peace
Cause You brought me this far, You brought me this far
If You brought me this far
Wherever you lead me, I know you won’t leave me
Wherever you call me, You will make a way
Wherever we’re going, I will be holding
To the promise you have made
You will make a way
My God will make a way
Cause You brought me this far
You brought me this far
You brought me this far
You will make a way

-"Make a way", by I am They

moving forward

I found life and I found laughter
In forgiveness, I found rest
On the shoulders of redemption
I found hope when hope was dead
I could lose it in a moment
So I dare not close my eyes
I'll watch fear fall with the sunset
And see hope rise with the tide
And when the pain is true
Sometimes these troubles prove that I'm alive

My eyes are open
My heart is beating
My lungs are full
And my body's breathing
I'm moving forward
I found my freedom
I found the life that gave me reason to live

As this dusty road now settles
And I see what lay before
Every tear that held a broken dream
Is now shattered on the floor
And now bursting forth in splendor
Are the blossoms of second tries
Because dreams that bear the mark of love
Are dreams that never die, ooh


Sometimes
Life can feel so unkind
Sorrow won't define me
So just reminds my soul
My soul

My eyes are open
My heart is beating
My lungs are full
And my body's breathing
I'm moving forward
I found my freedom
I know this sorrow
I know the heartache
I know with fear comes a tragic heartbreak
I'm moving forward
I found my freedom
I found a life that gave me reason to love
-🎶 Moving Forward, Colony House

the way to asia

Embarking on the biggest adventure of our lives so far...

Life became a whirlwind of events especially the past six weeks or so. It took six trips to Chicago be we finally got all our visas. Oh the insanity! I think we may very well be experts at learning the ins and outs of the visa process! After weeks of planning, and last minute trips to the stores we finally finished packing at 1 a.m. the night before we moved.

We left bright and early at 5:45 a.m (June 28, 2016). After only three hours of sleep! We had in total eleven trunks, seven backpacks, and seven personal items. Checking in and getting through security at the MKE airport went much smoother than I expected. Oh and also our trunks weighed under what they needed to (they were all between 44-46 pounds). Our first flight was to Detroit MI and then on to the long flight.

After a thirteen hour flight out of Detroit we arrived at our second to last stop, the capital city of the country in which we are moving to. When we stepped off the plane we had our first taste of culture shock. We made it through customs alright- that was the part I was most concerned about, as it turned out that should have been the least of my concerns. Then we had to head to luggage claim to get all eleven trunks so we could recheck them to our final flight. It took four luggage carts but we got it all loaded up.

Now this is where things got crazy. The side of the airport where you check in was a complete madhouse. There was no order to anything. It was hot and crowded beyond imagination, so many people, hundreds of people! Hardly anyone spoke English so getting information about where we needed to be was really hard, We had a three hour layover and we had assumed that that would be more then enough time, but we were so wrong.

Three hours quickly evaporated and we were looking at the possibility of being stranded there for 24 hours. I felt panic rise in my soul, and then saw that same panic mirrored in the faces of my children, as they began to cry, "I just want to go home." Katie even said "I hate___ (Country name)" Anna dissolved into tears. There was a sense of hopelessness that stirred among us. I tried my best to rally everyone and tell them that it was going to be okay, we were going to make it, even though I myself was starting to have doubts about what we were doing...

"Oh God, why did we do this? this seems like it will be too hard. What were we thinking? why are we even here? Look at the kids, they are in distress/ What of we ruin them? Oh God,  we need you!"

It's all such a blur now, but somehow we made our way through chaos with sweat and tears. Our luggage got checked. It took five hours to get it all done, but thankfully our flight was delayed and we made it to our gate just as they were boarding. It was honestly a miracle.

It was just a short two hour flight to our final destination. I think we all slept pretty much that entire flight because we were so worn out.

Once off the plane and we made our way to luggage claim. We were met with the new and only familiar because of Skype faces of our expat friends... they were such a welcome sight after so long of a journey.