I am struggling right now.
My heart feels so heavy and my faith so small.
I know that I need to go to the one who comforts and bears our burdens.
But I can't even pray.
I guess I can, but no words seem to come.
Bill and I were invited to speak at a church in IL in October. They have give us a lot of freedom in how we want to use our time with them. One of the options was, during their Sunday school we (Bill and I) can split up. He would talk to the men and I would talk to the ladies.
At first when he told me this I said absolutely NOT! I am not a public speaker. My last attempt was a total failure (and maybe someday I will share about that). I fumble over my words sometimes and just feel so awkward. I am more of a writer then anything. However after much praying and seeking wisdom from several people I felt God was leading me to say yes to the opportunity.
He reminded me of a verse He reveled to me several months back. At the time I wasn't sure how it would fit into my life but I knew He had a plan in revealing it to me.
I know what He wants me to speak about.
Basically the story of my life, and how He interrupted it.
It's actually a good story.
My life has had many ups and downs. There have been a lot of hardships. But I know He wants me to share His story of how He rescued me and made my footsteps firm. It's a story of His faithfulness.
When contemplating if I should speak, a friend shared with me that she really thought I should. The one thing she said that has encouraged her over the years of watching me go through everything hard the Lord has given us, was to see my faith....
My faith.
Here I am just weeks after making this decision to speak, feeling like I will drown under the weight of burdens. (burdens that have nothing to do with speaking engagements)
Life is hard sometimes.
And my faith is shaken.
Who am I to speak on such things?
I know nothing.
I am a vessel that longs to be used.
But sometimes I wonder if I am too broken.
Is He going to shake and interrupt this path again?
I know of His faithfulness. I have experienced it over and over
and yet...
There are doubts that lurk in the background of my mind.
Will He pull through this time?
My heart feels so heavy and my faith so small.
I know that I need to go to the one who comforts and bears our burdens.
But I can't even pray.
I guess I can, but no words seem to come.
Bill and I were invited to speak at a church in IL in October. They have give us a lot of freedom in how we want to use our time with them. One of the options was, during their Sunday school we (Bill and I) can split up. He would talk to the men and I would talk to the ladies.
At first when he told me this I said absolutely NOT! I am not a public speaker. My last attempt was a total failure (and maybe someday I will share about that). I fumble over my words sometimes and just feel so awkward. I am more of a writer then anything. However after much praying and seeking wisdom from several people I felt God was leading me to say yes to the opportunity.
He reminded me of a verse He reveled to me several months back. At the time I wasn't sure how it would fit into my life but I knew He had a plan in revealing it to me.
I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear And will trust in the Lord...
I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great congregation. -Psalm 40:1-3, 10
I know what He wants me to speak about.
Basically the story of my life, and how He interrupted it.
It's actually a good story.
My life has had many ups and downs. There have been a lot of hardships. But I know He wants me to share His story of how He rescued me and made my footsteps firm. It's a story of His faithfulness.
When contemplating if I should speak, a friend shared with me that she really thought I should. The one thing she said that has encouraged her over the years of watching me go through everything hard the Lord has given us, was to see my faith....
My faith.
Here I am just weeks after making this decision to speak, feeling like I will drown under the weight of burdens. (burdens that have nothing to do with speaking engagements)
Life is hard sometimes.
And my faith is shaken.
Who am I to speak on such things?
I know nothing.
I am a vessel that longs to be used.
But sometimes I wonder if I am too broken.
Is He going to shake and interrupt this path again?
I know of His faithfulness. I have experienced it over and over
and yet...
There are doubts that lurk in the background of my mind.
Will He pull through this time?
But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!” As for me, since I am poor and needy, let the Lord keep me in his thoughts. You are my helper and my savior. O my God, do not delay. (Ps 40:16-17)
2 comments:
You can do it in HIS strength. :-) I will be praying for you.
I'm not one for speaking in front of large groups either so I feel your pain. However, I know that with prayer and little confidence, God's message will always pull through... even if you don't have the exact words. Moses wasn't much of a speaker, but God was able to use him. I know he can use you too :-)
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