I'm not gonna lie.
I am feeling discouraged. No, maybe disappointed is a better word. I am down but not so deep in the dumps.
I keep trying to evade it, to keep my eyes turned upward instead of on myself. I don't want to be overcome with the fear and doubts that try to claim me.
But it's hard.
I feel like it's just us...us on our own tying to serve with no one on board, no understanding support as a whole. I know this isn't the case but it's how I feel today. There are people who have and are along for this ride, who say "we get it, we want to be a part".
I'm not talking about money here-mostly just moral support. Of course we need money (who doesn't) but what I need more at the moment is encouragement.
Today I'm just feeling let down.
It's probably taboo for me to even be talking about this. What I think and say could get back to someone, and I don't want to hurt anyone. It's not like I have anything against anyone in particular. I just need to write, to vent, to process.
I have to come to terms with what it is going to look like down the road. Maybe God is preparing our hearts for the disappointments and let downs to come in future ministry. I don't know.
I'm not going to cling to the hurt. I'm sure in a few hours after I have prayed it though things will seem better. They usually do. I sound so selfish just saying all this. But I think this is part of the process, wrestling though it all.
I was reading though Numbers (chapters 13 and 14), about the story of the 12 spies of Israel who went into Canaan- the land that God told them that He was going to give them, to search it out. The spies came back from exploring the land and reported that indeed the land was rich and flowing with milk and honey but there were terrifying aspects to the land...and those aspects overshadowed any good. They were terrified after seeing how big the people were and feared being defeated and they spread this report to all of Israel- that they could not enter the land. There were however two spies, Joshua and Caleb who stood up and tried to tell the people that they should go and take the land because God had promised it to them. They honestly believed that they could.
We all know how this story ends, the Israelite's don't end up going into the promised land because of their fear and their failure to trust the Lord. There is so much to this story that I want to write about at a later time, but for now the thing that stuck out to me were the two spies Joshua and Caleb who wanted to go where God was leading. It just made me think, I wonder if they felt discouraged because no one around them wanted to follow. They stood out among the millions and said "Let's do this" but no one got on board. There was no cheerleading squad to push them on to motivate them. Even though they weren't able to go into the land when they wanted (oh, I can so relate to this) they were still faithful to the Lord. Scripture says that they "served the Lord whole-heartedly"...and later on God rewarded that.
In a small way I feel like I can relate. Maybe it will make no sense to anyone but me. I guess it just got me thinking...it all comes down to obeying the Lord and going where He is leading...even if it's hard and discouraging and no one else understands.
I am feeling discouraged. No, maybe disappointed is a better word. I am down but not so deep in the dumps.
I keep trying to evade it, to keep my eyes turned upward instead of on myself. I don't want to be overcome with the fear and doubts that try to claim me.
But it's hard.
I feel like it's just us...us on our own tying to serve with no one on board, no understanding support as a whole. I know this isn't the case but it's how I feel today. There are people who have and are along for this ride, who say "we get it, we want to be a part".
I'm not talking about money here-mostly just moral support. Of course we need money (who doesn't) but what I need more at the moment is encouragement.
Today I'm just feeling let down.
It's probably taboo for me to even be talking about this. What I think and say could get back to someone, and I don't want to hurt anyone. It's not like I have anything against anyone in particular. I just need to write, to vent, to process.
I have to come to terms with what it is going to look like down the road. Maybe God is preparing our hearts for the disappointments and let downs to come in future ministry. I don't know.
I'm not going to cling to the hurt. I'm sure in a few hours after I have prayed it though things will seem better. They usually do. I sound so selfish just saying all this. But I think this is part of the process, wrestling though it all.
I was reading though Numbers (chapters 13 and 14), about the story of the 12 spies of Israel who went into Canaan- the land that God told them that He was going to give them, to search it out. The spies came back from exploring the land and reported that indeed the land was rich and flowing with milk and honey but there were terrifying aspects to the land...and those aspects overshadowed any good. They were terrified after seeing how big the people were and feared being defeated and they spread this report to all of Israel- that they could not enter the land. There were however two spies, Joshua and Caleb who stood up and tried to tell the people that they should go and take the land because God had promised it to them. They honestly believed that they could.
We all know how this story ends, the Israelite's don't end up going into the promised land because of their fear and their failure to trust the Lord. There is so much to this story that I want to write about at a later time, but for now the thing that stuck out to me were the two spies Joshua and Caleb who wanted to go where God was leading. It just made me think, I wonder if they felt discouraged because no one around them wanted to follow. They stood out among the millions and said "Let's do this" but no one got on board. There was no cheerleading squad to push them on to motivate them. Even though they weren't able to go into the land when they wanted (oh, I can so relate to this) they were still faithful to the Lord. Scripture says that they "served the Lord whole-heartedly"...and later on God rewarded that.
In a small way I feel like I can relate. Maybe it will make no sense to anyone but me. I guess it just got me thinking...it all comes down to obeying the Lord and going where He is leading...even if it's hard and discouraging and no one else understands.
1 comment:
Dear Liz,
I just want to let you know what an encouragement you and your family are to me. It takes a lot of faith to follow what you believe God is leading you to do. I don't think He could've picked a better family to do what you're about to do. There may be some struggles and bumps in the road along the way, but God is preparing your hearts and He's in control. Maybe the place where you're planning to go is not filled with milk and honey, but it is filled with a harvest of people that is just waiting for the laborers. Just take it one day at a time. You can do it! :-)
Post a Comment